The other night I dreamt of her...my grandmother. It was a vivid dream, and in it I was staying away from home. My grandmother was alive and healthy and I was very much missing her. In the dream there was a sort of longing pervading everything...I wanted so badly to return home and see her… Continue reading The impermanence of dreams
It's been a long time. My last post remains unfinished, which is indicative of my thoughts most days. Despite that, I am better. So time has passed. My mood has stabilized, more or less. I usually stay smack in the middle of the bipolar spectrum, which suits me just fine. I am still taking medication… Continue reading Let’s try this again.
I have an app on my phone that reminds me when to take my medication.
As I typed the title, I’m instantly reminded of the Seinfeld episode, and Frank Costanza’s holiday Festivus (a replacement for Christmas). He was annoyed by the commercialization of Christmas, so he observes his own celebration (minus the distracting tinsel). Anywho. I can’t have kids. I found out when I was 32, when I was plunged… Continue reading A Mother’s Day for the Rest of Us.
Graceful lines and symmetry but beneath it all you cannot see the chaos held together with spit and prayers and a cocktail of modern medicine's latest poison. My dance is a side effect that just happens to be graceful my song a disembodied pantomine that passes for social interaction. I don't pretend to be like… Continue reading Odette with a broken wing.
I am a child of luxury. I learned that on a day I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, having picked up another sackful of medicine for my omnipresent depression which has proven especially difficult for my $150 an hour psychiatrist to treat. I pulled up to my favorite sushi place just before it started… Continue reading Spring Rolls in the Dead of Winter
Above it all I hear the quiet that is ever present now, below the timbre of a sweetly singing choir… vibration of wire and thought to still my own in times of travesty. I once belonged to ones who might have turned my cheek and not their own...love was no phantom on the tail end… Continue reading After Life
In the mustard yellow smoke that floats along the streets there drifts a burned and greasy smell through shot-out windows from frying pans ignored while on the phone to a neighbor. I long to turn the burner off, but it smells like home to them. By trashy puddles warm with sewer gas I pass with… Continue reading the wrong side of town.
Destiny maketh me to lie down in sullied pastures and shows me in an instant what is mine. I am mother of my will, steward of my nature. I embrace the children born of the seed of my misgivings. Inherent nature calls for us to mourn a child of woe, born in Eden's harem she… Continue reading Eve of Man
The ground does not yield as I make my way unsteady across the dirt mounds and bone-dry grasses in the brittle frost of the early deep freeze. It's almost as cold as Mars at the equator, I find myself thinking. I dream of butterscotch evenings, and landscapes tanned red and brown and meandering canals clear… Continue reading The Last Rocket
Left of Nowhere 